Get bankrupt: A step-by-step plan
Weird shit
In a world obsessed about making money and even more money, it is sad for the unfortunate few who are desperately seeking information on how to bankrupt their very own start up business. But have no fear! Southwest Interactive has it covered!
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AUSTIN, Texas — A tongue-in-cheek panel at South by Southwest Interactive promised to teach attendees how to turn their startup dollars into bankruptcy notes in just 15 easy steps.
Startuppers Joshua Strebel, Sean Tierney and Andrew Hyde took over room 19 in the fourth floor of the Austin Convention Center and told tales of their past business failures and their plans for upcoming ones. “We’re teaching Fail, and not just fail — we’re talking weapons-grade Fail,” promised Hyde.
Audience members chimed in with their opinions on how to increase the burn rate. One suggestion from the peanut gallery: “Send people to conferences!”
Since the whole panel was about failing at startups, it was appropriate that Strebel, Tierney and Hyde failed at their panel, which was a mishmash of stunts, repeated jokes and Godzilla-themed PowerPoint slides. To be fair, the three were amusing, if not very informative. A masked friend in a unicorn costume appeared in the middle of the question-and-answer segment, asking questions about his “kidney startup” that was “based in Unicornia, right next to Candy Mountain.” They invited him up to the main table.
Want to bankrupt your startup? Follow these recipes from the PowerPoint slides to get Hosed, Shaftd and Fuckd:
HOSED
1) Hand over the reins
2) Overengineer everything
3) Seek growth before profitability
4) Establish culture of subservience
5) Disregard cash flowSHAFT
1) Show nothing to anyone
2) Have an exit plan
3) ndA
4) Funding = exit plan: “When that check clears the bank, just take that money and go offshore.”
5) Theme weeks for the officeFUCKD (OK, they were reaching with this acronym)
1) Forget your purpose
2) launch Underfunded
3) miCromanage your team
4) be the King
5) believe the DreamkillersArticle by Megan McCarthy at WIRED.com
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